oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
