I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
