You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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