all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
