im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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