I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I love having hate sex.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
COCAINE IS GR8
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
