I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
