Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
