Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
They took my balls.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
