Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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