Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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