I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
