the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
