I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
