You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
