dude i'm inner monologue high
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
