Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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