I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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