That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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