I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
