why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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