Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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