the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
