I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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