If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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