is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
