You're my little dorito
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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