he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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