i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
We need to rekindle our bromance
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
