So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
