I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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