Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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