im having a threesome with these popsicles
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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