they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
