you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
