You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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