why didn't you poke me back
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So much rum. So many feels.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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