So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
