This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
