Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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