having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
