I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
