Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
