She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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