Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
