I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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