I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
