For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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