tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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