Pappa wants mamma naked
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
