I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
