Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
